I had a dream a couple nights ago…
I dreamt something very similar to a scene in the movie, Titanic – after the ship had sunk; all the people who survived up till that point were all in the water, fighting for their lives; people were crawling on top of each other trying to stay warm, trying to get one more breath of air, not sure if it would be their last… water splashing everywhere, huge waves taking people out, thunder, lightning, the sky was filled with darkness…
I could feel my brothers presence there, but I do not remember seeing him – I only remember having a very brief conversation with someone about the women he had chosen to date in his lifetime. There was a young child in the water next to me (somewhere in his later teens) and there was conversation regarding his promiscuity. I was struggling to keep my head above water, gasping for air, and wanting nothing more than to be warm…
The most obvious interpretation was that it was about a personal struggle, feeling stuck within this imaginary box that I have built around myself. Fighting to meet the high expectations and demands that I put on myself, my heart, and my mind. Then there was the other people competing for survival with no consideration for the people around them – who were willing to crawl on top of and push down anyone that got in their way, just to get that one last breath. I knew there was a deeper message there, I just didn’t have the ability to see the depths of it at that time.
Today at Grace, a new church that I’ve started attending in New York City – there it was, the answer:
Pastor Dave started talking about how all of us have been thrust into the storm of life!
Mark 4:35-41 (NIV) Jesus Calms the Storm
35That day when evening came, he said to his disciples, “Let us go over to the other side.” 36Leaving the crowd behind, they took him along, just as he was, in the boat. There were also other boats with him. 37A furious squall came up, and the waves broke over the boat, so that it was nearly swamped. 38Jesus was in the stern, sleeping on a cushion. The disciples woke him and said to him, “Teacher, don’t you care if we drown?” 39He got up, rebuked the wind and said to the waves, “Quiet! Be still!” Then the wind died down and it was completely calm. 40He said to his disciples, “Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?” 41They were terrified and asked each other, “Who is this? Even the wind and the waves obey him!”
God controls the universe. He doesn’t call upon a higher power – He is the higher power. If this isn’t a sign from God, than I don’t know what it else it could be! As I sat there listening to Pastor Dave, tears of joy started running down my face. I started making all the connections, connecting the dots… the dream, the storm, the fear, and the possibility of peace.
I have been searching, waiting for God to shine His light on me. Lately, I have been talking to Him, pleading for something… My Aunt Debbie has been praying for me for years to be saved, my cousins (my sisters) have been praying for me as well. A good friend of mine, Misty Schmidt – truly an angel sent from God, has blessed me in ways that I cannot articulate; only God knows.
I recently graduated from Brooks Institute, a photography school in beautiful, sunny Santa Barbara, California. That early morning of February 28th, 2009, Misty had been scrambling to get me a graduation present and make it to my graduation ceremony on time. At first, she wanted to get me something she knew for sure I would cherish: flowers, something lavender or vanilla… but she couldn’t. God told her, “Give her this book! It’s sitting here right in front of you.” She looked down and there on the passenger seat, there it was – Britt Merrick’s book, BIG GOD, What Happens When We Trust Him.
Misty had a conversation with God in her car that morning about how she didn’t think I would like the book and was sure I would toss it onto the bookshelf and disregard it; she really wanted to get me something she knew I would cherish. Even though she didn’t think I would like it, she trusted God and obeyed Him; she gave me the book. I cherish this gift more than I could cherish all the beautiful flowers in the world… flowers die, but the light that this book, that Misty, and God has brought into my life will NEVER go away. My eyes are open now – I feel the warmth.
Being in the boat with Him doesn’t mean that we won’t be thrown into storms, we will – those are His lessons, His gifts.
There are many seasons in life, within each season – there are many storms.
We’re getting older, adjusting, shifting; life is wearing us out.
I will find rest nowhere else, but in His will.
I am ready, willing, and able…
I am willing to allow the reality of who He is into my life.
“I’ll respect the truth of your living, growing spirit. Your reality can be your gift to me.” =)
–The Promise of a New Day, a Book of Daily Meditations. By Karen Casey & Martha Vanceburg. ♥
“…you must remember that an arbitrary power is like most other things which are very hard, very liable to be broken.” -Abigail Adams
I don’t believe that He is arbitrary anymore, His power cannot be broken, His love is infinite, immeasurable, unspeakable beyond my largest notions… time is in His hands.
God is beautiful.